It’s been two years since I was last employed. I thought by now the foundation I’m building for this new life would feel more solid, and the path I’m taking would be much clearer. I hoped it would feel less scary, and that I’d be more confident in the decision I’ve made.

But lately, it doesn’t feel that way.

I’ve run into so many obstacles and challenges that I’m starting to question if this is really the right path. Doubt creeps in. I find myself wondering if it’s time to abandon the plan and do something else.

Sometimes I even ask myself: Am I being brave by stubbornly sticking with this, or am I just afraid to pivot? And for me, pivoting means going back to a traditional job instead of trading.

Trading has been really challenging lately. I’ve lost a lot of money. Yes, but also pieces of my self-belief and self-trust. It hits me again and again.

Recently, I had an epiphany: maybe the reason I keep failing is that I’m not ready.

I have the skills. I believe in my strategy. I know how to read the charts. I can explain why the market moves the way it does. I’m definitely better than I used to be.

But my biggest challenge is myself.

Instead of following my rules, I compromise to chase the trend, which is risky. Instead of reducing my position, I increase it, hoping to recover what I’ve lost. Another dangerous habit.

I know all of this. And yet, something deep inside me just won’t listen. It’s like learning to ride a bike. I know I’m going to fall, I’ve already fallen before, but somehow I keep pushing faster, ignoring the balance I’m supposed to learn, until I crash again.

And maybe that’s exactly why I’m not successful yet.

How can I be, if I don’t yet have the discipline and the character needed to handle success in trading?

So this is my real challenge now: to change myself. To intentionally become the person I need to be.

It’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s painful.

But maybe that’s the price you pay: for growth, for resilience, for learning how to stand steady in uncertainty… and eventually, to overcome it.