How do I want to live my life? It's a question I've been asking a lot ever since my anxiety attack that led me to quit my career of 8 years.

Lately I've been contemplating the movies and books I've been consuming. They're mostly about life. Celebrating the mundanity of life. How in the end those moments are what really matter because life is full of randomness. People come and go in our lives. Same as money and other material things. Nothing is permanent. So to make meaning in life is to observe these mundane things we do and find beauty in them.

Whether it's your morning coffee routine: measuring how many beans to use for your pour over coffee, quietly waiting for it to brew while looking out the window. A walk in the park after work to de-stress. Or cooking dinner for your loved ones.

They're so mundane, but we spend most of our days doing these things. And yet we rarely appreciate the beauty of it. The smell of coffee brewing to brighten up your foggy morning. The leaves of the trees dancing with the breeze and the birdsong playing along with it. The silly conversations that come with eating the dinner you cooked for your loved ones.

These mundane things make up our lives. And so I keep asking myself, how do I want to live? Am I already living it? If not, is it possible to live it?

I'd like to think that my ideal life is simple. I don't want a fancy house with fancy things in it. I don't want to drive a fancy car either. I know too well now that to live such a life, I'd need to work hard and sacrifice so much of myself. And for what?

What I want is a place with my own study room where I can fill it with books. Lots of books. I want to spend most of my days reading and writing. I want to learn new things, not because I have to but because I find joy in it. New languages, how to play a musical instrument, how to draw and paint.

I want to live close to a park. A place where I can walk and wander around. Have a picnic to read my book and observe my surroundings. To remind myself that there's more to life than my own. There are the birds, the trees, dogs, cats, and all sorts of insects living their lives not worrying too much about careers, bills, and keeping up with everyone. Creatures that remind me being here now is important. That being here now is what being alive means.

I also want to live close to a swimming pool so I can finally perfect my freestyle technique. Swimming has been the perfect practice for me when it comes to surrendering and letting go. Especially for someone like me who likes to be in control. With swimming, I'm forced to go with the flow of the water. To stop overthinking and just trust that my body knows what it needs to do to move from one place to the next without sinking.

This might sound weird, but I really enjoy shopping for groceries. It doesn't even have to be somewhere fancy, as long as it's good quality. Here in Australia, I'm quite lucky that most shops sell good quality products. I mostly enjoy shopping at our local Aldi and the fruit markets. Looking at the different produce available and how cheap it is compared to the major grocery shops. I like how limited the choices are compared to the major companies. It forces me to eat what's in season and to be creative with it. And as a bonus, I end up spending less. It perfectly aligns with my goal of living simply. I think food should be simple to be nutritious.

I want to fill my home with thrifted finds. I imagine the stories those porcelain plates and cups have to share. Whenever I go thrift shopping, it makes me realise how much stuff we hoard. It even makes me sad because most of the stuff being sold seems unused. What a waste of resources.

Whenever I see vintage dinnerware in pristine condition, I always get mixed emotions. On one hand, I'm glad it's available for me to use. On the other, I'm sad that the previous owner never got to use it to its full potential.

Most of this stuff was probably tucked away most of the time. Reserved for special occasions. But what is a special occasion? Isn't every day being alive something special that needs to be celebrated?

I guess this is how I want to live my life. Simply. Celebrating the simplicity of it.

Am I already living this life? I think so. The funny thing is, it requires attention and conscious effort to do so. There are days I don't do these things and something always feels off. But when I do, I feel like I hit the jackpot.

I guess that's life. How you want to live it is a constant question we need to ask ourselves. To live in a beautiful and meaningful way, we need to give it attention and effort. But we also need to surrender and let go of control, because life is nothing but randomness.

Enjoy the ride while I'm still on it.